Megan thee Stallion: The Roundup

I just adore Megan the Stallion” is what I randomly text my sister three weeks ago.

Immediately followed by an unrelated, yet equally as serious announcement, “Yo! Naps be bangin my G!”

Our banter has range. Our discussions are both deep and pointless. And we never stay on one topic too long before we are distracted by a shiny new subject.

Skipping my nap acknowledgement she wrote back,  “Yeah. I was gonna ask, if I as an American was supposed to know who Megan thee Stallion is…

My sister lives in Europe. Which is a fancy way of saying, “She be missin’ shit”.

And as the cooler, more beautiful, westernized, bigger sister I take my job of putting her on very seriously. I’m also very annoying.

So seriously annoying that I answered this one single question with a 500 word rundown of the rapstress and current landscape of female MC’s.

Sike. I ain’t that damn deep. I only wrote about Megan thee Stallion.

And if you, like my sister, live under a European rock; unfamiliar with the Houston native, look below and let yourself be enlightened by the spastic, yet thourough unedited reply she (nor you) did not ask for:


  • Lyrically she’s a beast.
  • Stands on her own.
  • Has features but doesn’t need’em.
  • She’s in her own lane; a lane reminiscent of the old filthy, dirty down south music I grew up on and feel so akin to today.
  • She’s Eightball, MJG AND Trina.
  • My idea of women’s empowerment. Sex talk using a creative play on words – that nasty “tell-a-nigga-what-to-do” type shit.
  • I listened to the mixtape Fever and like 7 of the 14 songs. Which is a tremendous feat these days.
  • Pop-ya-booty’ shit has the tendency to get redundant – and it does on this project- but her lyrics are woven together so cleverly and she says them with such intention that it doesn’t matter, you just wanna play the song thru and hear what she’s gonna say next. .
  • Her cadence and delivery is sharp but her image and content is so fuckin feminine. She spits like a nigga but looks like a girl you wanna hang out with.  – – – I love that juxtaposition.
  • Always appears to be in good spirits, even when her mom/manager died like last month.
  • I hear her mom was also a rapper and apparently very well respected in Houston.
  • You can tell she’s hungry.
  • Has yet to get caught up in female rap beef which is refreshing and only adds to the idea that she’s focused.
  • She stay twerkin. Not particularly well in my opinion, but she doesn’t seem to care so I don’t either. It’s fun to watch people be happy.
  • She comes at a time when I was just about to circulate a memo to all female rappers like, “Ok. Sis’s. Is this all we gon talk about? Fuckin niggas, poppin pussy and takin they money?” I was beginning to get bored. Then this fuckin beautiful ass horse rides along, swoops me up, takes me on a ride and convinces me — “Why yes, I do in fact want all deez niggas money. I actually enjoy poppin my pussy to a beat, and you know what? Throw some ass eatin’ in there and let’s keep this party goin”. I like that Megan is teaching me the ropes, showing me how to “ride it”.
  • I’m not a “Lemme hear you freestyle” type person but Megan thee Stallion (how long will we have to say ‘Thee Stallion’ I wonder) won me over when I heard her freestyle back in Jan. She was just so confident. So sure that she should be where she is right now. I like music that I can feel. It is my only requirement. And I felt her unflappable composure that day. Twas a ‘rap’ after that.
  • I’m looking forward to getting to know her more.
  • She looks like a down to earth girl that shops at the mall. Not Lenox, but like West End Mall. There’s one in every black neighborhood. Small shopping center, in the nucleus of the hood, only has a Foot Locker, jewelry store, some cell phone kiosks, a big ass beauty supply and a few Chinese stores. (A Chinese store is shop carrying inexpensive, poorly made clothes that fit real cute & tight; perfect for a night out at the club).
  • Honestly am in love with ALL the female rappers out right now – Rico Nasty, Light Skinned Keisha, Tierra Whack, Kari Faux, Dreamdoll, City Girls, Kash Doll, Cardi B —- There is not ONE lady I dont like but if we’re talkin’ horse race, Megan thee Stallion is leading the pack right now.



In case you’re wondering. My sister replied to this message the next day with a text that read, “The Euro to dollar rate keeps going down” to which I responded “Graduations are unbearable – from kindergarten to college, don’t invite me. I’ll meet y’all at the restaurant afterwards”.

We just ride the range…

Deep. Pointless. And seriously annoying range.

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